LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: User Guide and Manual
by 1Julivia
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You get to keep a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG Unit all for yourself! He is very stable, and is a professional and reasonable unit that will use rationality over emotional influence to act or speak. However, there are hooks that need to be known, and we have information comprised in this manual for your knowledge. (And safety).


_**A/N: wHOA. Two uploads in one day? Gee, I must really love you guys. LOL Xd ANyway, Germany is done! Enjoy him~ Please do not mind the yaoi elements, it's just that the original author was a yaoi fan, I am not. I tried to make it funny. Credit to Theresa Green for the writing format. **_

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**LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: User Guide and Manual**

**Congratulations! **You get to keep a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG Unit all for yourself! He is very stable, and is a professional and reasonable unit that will use rationality over emotional influence to act or speak. However, there are hooks that need to be known, and we have information comprised in this manual for your knowledge. (And safety)

**Technical Specifications**

Name: Ludwig Kaltherzig. Will also respond to "Germany", "Deutschland", "Alemania", "West", "Luddy", and cautiously to "Damn potato bastard!"

Age: 20

Place of Manufacture: Berlin, Germany

Height: 5'9"

Weight: N/A (May gain due to training.)

Length: Mein gott, you won't turn down _this _wurst if you know what we mean.

**Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG Unit comes with the following accessories**

One (1) green Waffen SS military uniform

One (1) Knights Cross of the Iron Cross

One (1) certified book on Understanding Italians

One (1) 100 page military log

Two (2) drill whistles

**Programming**

Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG is equipped with the following traits:

Historian: He will make excellent amounts of money doing this, because studying, reading, archiving and organization are right up his alley. Refrain from asking how his day went if you do get him a job at this, unless you like hearing about how his 'ridiculous and ignorant colleague thought it was alright to archive the books out of alphabetical order, that Z does _indeed_ count in the title, and that historical psychology and sociology are completely different and shouldn't be on the same shelf and that the Vienna meetings did not take place in… blah, blah, blah'. He will be useful in helping you with your history homework, so go to him when you need to.

Engineer: Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG Unit is very talented at building and designing things, so get him a job as a car engineer. He'll be very content and at home with this job, and the flow of money is very attractive.

Mechanic: Another option is a mechanic, he will love working in the sun on fixing and changing tires at a shop or even start his own, for he also makes a good business man, plus you get to fangirl over his mechanic's uniform and watch him work.

Drill Sergeant: His passion of having and incorporating physical and mental excellence in others will guide him well in this job. Enlist him as a trainer in the army or navy, he'll be able to produce a wonderful résumé and references in his description and his superiors will be so impressed, they may promote him. And who doesn't love a man in a Lieutenant's uniform?

Beer Sampler: Though your Unit will no doubt hide his hundred giga-watt joy that you got him this job, trust us, he is shamefully in love with beer and will actually be prone to be more friendly and open to FELICIANO VARGAS' behavior and be less awkward than he generally is with others coming home from work. Just make sure to tell him not to bring any samples home and if he does, keep him away from getting drunk with a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT because he will inevitably do something stupid and regret it in the morning after his hangover and be in a funk for the next four weeks.

**Removal of your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG from packaging **

LUDWIG KALTHERZIG is a reasonable unit and will do no harm unless threatened or provoked and generally desires peace between two sides, plus he'll silence a room when it's called for. But just so he doesn't step on any customer's toes in being the authority (namely you) we've constituted this directory of reliable ways for you to wake up your wonderful unit.

1. In your best Italian impression, call out "Ve~ Germany, help!" and then follow it by saying that FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, ARTHUR KIRKLAND, or ALFRED F. JONES are bullying you. He will burst out of his box and look for the offenders, make sure to seek barricade behind a couch to avoid shrapnel from the box. Once he realizes there is no one, he will apologize to you and start to clean up and sort the trash. You may reprogram him after he's finished.

2. Buy a six pack of bottled beer, preferably Schlitz, Krombacher, Oktoberfest, or Pilsner, and make sure they are the bottled kind. Near the box, take a bottle cap opener and open one of the bottles as loudly as possible, or open one bottle after another. Alternatively, buy a twelve pack of any of the beer listed above in cans and take a tall glass and put a helping of ice and pour two cans into it as loudly as possible near the box, and make sure the foam spills over unto the table. To both he will ask if he can clean it up from inside the box and you can open the lid. Tell him he can help himself, and he'll start to chug them down happily. Reprogramming is possible during this.

3. Call a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit to wake up his little brother. He will wake up immediately and you can reprogram him from there.

4. Open the lid and in a loud drill-worthy voice call his product number and his name and tell him to sound off, that he is in _your_ domain and will abide by _your_ rules. Note, that he will be a bit sexually excited as he stands at attention and regards you as his owner, so if you see him slightly blush, you may internally fangirl as he recognizes you as his commanding officer, so make sure to live up to his expectations when issuing orders to him.

**Reprogramming**

_Serious (default)_

_Rule-driven (default)_

_Neat-freak_

_Captain_

_Defeated (locked)_

_BDSM (locked)_

Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit is packaged in his default _Serious_ and _Rule-driven_ modes that basically pine him to be straight-forward, and all-business as well as sticking to any rules that he comes across, falling back on them whenever possible. He will be strict on any GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT or FELICIANO VARGAS unit he comes across.

_Neat-freak_ is self-explanatory; your unit will forgo even cooking to keep your house clean, and will arrange an entire system to make it spotless.

His _Captain_ mode is everything that drives LUDWIG KALTHERZIG in excellence of self, mind, and body, he will train himself to keep fit (even though he already is) and will insist this on any Axis member nearby.

_Defeated_ and _BDSM_ are the only two modes locked because of the drastic events after unlocking. In _Defeated_ mode, he will be susceptible to the attacks of others mainly any GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT or IVAN BRAGINSKI unit. It can be unlocked by putting him in one too many fights, overworking him, depriving him of sleep, or of food. To get him out, simply nurse him back to health. _BDSM_ is LUDWIG KALTHERZIG either enjoying infliction of pain on others, or being the victim of receiving. It's simple to unlock if you as the owner are being cruel towards him, or another unit doing so and using the _BDSM_ kit that you can order online or with a simple one step call to Customer Service, or if you show him either yourself in submissive state, or any other unit in submissive state. We, the creators of this manual are not responsible in handling any damage inflicted upon you or any other units from the orgasm attacks of a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit in his _BDSM_ mode. To get him out of this mode, you need to leave him alone in a room with a set of rules and paperwork to do. Make sure the stack is big enough to keep him busy for 2 hours.

**Relationships with other Units**

GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: He is the older brother of your unit who loves him greatly, although your unit will try hard to tolerate his rash and obnoxious behavior, he is viable to his sweeping personality and demands. A possible romance is probable if you have them get drunk together more often than not.

FELICIANO VARGAS: Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit finds this unit to be a complete failure in terms of organization, efficiency, and confidence in war. Regardless, this is your unit's best friend and will come to aid him in his times of need. There is another possible romance choice in this area if you can get past the friend zone with these two. (And FELICIANO VARGAS' dislike of homosexuality)

KIKU HONDA: The only other unit in the Axis that LUDWIG KALTHERZIG can relate to rationally. This, however, cannot generate into anything more than friendship.

ALFRED F. JONES: They both have a love of meat and will dine together from time to time. This may become something more if enough beer is given to both of them. Make sure to set up cameras or ask the assistance of an ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY unit.

IVAN BRAGINSKI: They both had an alliance with each other and IVAN BRAGINKSI is rather over-friendly to your unit. Once again, ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY is a great help in this area.

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: They both dislike each other, but refer to the FRANCIS BONNEFOIS manual for further information. ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY is needed here.

**Cleaning**

He has a thorough and constant schedule that he keeps to religiously every day and will tell you the benefits of keeping it all organized.

**Feeding**

He'd rather keep your kitchen clutter-free but will cook if you instruct him to. LUDWIG KALTHERZIG specializes in wurst sausage dishes, schnitzel, and secretly, in making sweet cakes. You'll enjoy every meal he makes, and will be honored if you ask to be taught, though he won't tell you outright that he is.

**Rest**

Early to bed, early to rise, he will wake up at the crack of dawn to run laps around your neighborhood and may perform roll calls if any other Axis member is in your household or lives close by. He'll feel appreciated if you join in as his owner in the drill counting of his regiment, and even more so if you become his exercise buddy as well.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: He's drinking way too much of my dad's beer! What to do?

A: Introduce him formally to your dad, and mother too. They'll love him, and soon your dad will be happy to have a drinking buddy!

Q: My LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit calls me his 'housemaster' and keeps asking me for permission to let him do stuff and keeps asking me for my "rules".

A: Humor him and give him a handwritten set of rules for him to follow in your house, he will also get any other unruly units to follow them as well with coercion. He'll be a great help!

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Instead of finding a grown up muscular man in uniform, you've found a rather cute young boy of 12 with blonde bangs in late 1800's style school-boys uniform carrying two belt-bound books who asks for his brave older brother GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT or of LEGOLAS BEILSHMIDT's whereabouts, and likes to read.

Solution: Our bad! We've sent you a Little!Germany unit! He will praise and look up to any GILBERT BEILSCHIDT unit, are friends with any CHIBITALIA unit, and be more tolerated by FRANCIS BONNEFOIS units. He will read, study in preparation in becoming a country and is mature and responsible, but is afraid of being left alone. If you'd rather have a full grown unit instead, send him back and we will trade you with a normal LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit free of charge! He will understand your decision.

**End Notes**

With enough leadership and a long black leather whip, we hope you thoroughly enjoy the company of your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit and wish you a happy future!

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**_A/N: I actually would love him as a unit! 3_**


End file.
